I was reading the advice columns today – I am always interested in what kind of problems write in about. One was from a woman who had been dating a man for three years and they were going to get married. Her fiancé was getting weirded out about the idea of having to “check-in” every day, and confessed that he was getting married because that’s the next step of the progression. The woman was wrestling with what to do about that.
It’s timely, because one of the best quotes on love I’ve found is that it’s not a feeling, it’s an act.
“…love has to be practiced. It has to find something to do. Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s an instruction: Love one another. That’s hard to do. It doesn’t mean to sit at home and have fond feelings. You’ve got to treat people as if you love them, whether you do or not.”
I would have to agree, it’s not just who you respect or trust or want to go to bed with, it’s about who you want to life with. When I’m with my girls, we may talk or paint, play games or watch a movie, but there is always laughter and beauty. Sure, there are days that I get annoyed, but overall, I look forward to spending time in their presence, because I enjoy their company, listening to their thoughts, reveling in their warm hugs. And if I’m spending time with my brother and my sister-from-another-mister, or with my friends in Milwaukee, we don’t have to be doing anything. I just enjoy hanging out, telling stories or listening to theirs, laughing or commiserating over the craziness of this world. But I show up for them, and they show up for me – that’s how I know we’re close, we make the time to be in each other’s world for the mundane moments as well as the big ones.
Yet, when it comes to dating whomever, I wonder what are we going to do together? Because it often jumps to the sexy time part, and though I love me some sexy time, that’s not the only thing in life. What do I like to do? What do I want to do in life? And that’s the question I need to answer for myself, because it will affect who I connect with.