I recently watched the movie “The Kids are All Right” and really enjoyed it. I must be getting mature or something, because I really like the movies that are about messiness and less than perfect people. Not movies where you go, “wow, those people are so effed up,” but the ones about mistakes and wrinkles and slow life. And wow, Annette Bening and Julianne Moore. I love seeing the close ups, with the lines and the freckles and the people who are not in their early 20s. I like seeing the light and individual hairs. I like seeing the tendons in hands and scleras that are not perfectly white. I love seeing the things that make us unique, seeing the beauty in the imperfections.
(As a side note, I have probably loved hands from the time of my first boyfriend. He had really expressive hands and I especially love men’s hands, and like to surreptitiously watch them move in conversation. The sclera thing came from having young kids–I mean, my goodness, they’re so white, whiter than teeth. There’s a purity to the whiteness of them in youth).
I had a great compliment today, my ex called me to ask about divorce details for a friend of his who is also getting divorced. He wanted to know how I had gone about the process from my end, as the initiator. It was a strange and yet touching conversation. I had to ask, “You know I tried to be fair to you, right?”
“Absolutely,” he said. “And I respect you for that.” Because the worst part was knowing it wasn’t working, and yet hurting someone who had been so much a part of my life. And he’s moved on now, I expect that he will eventually remarry before I do. I think, frankly, we would both be more comfortable if he’s the one to remarry first, whenever and to whomever that will be.