Ugh. I cannot believe that this was January already. Work has been so intense with a forkin’ fork project, the kids have been sick on and off, I’ve had to take sick days for them, and then vacation days for when school’s been closed due to extreme cold. And January is just, generally, a financial sump pump of a month, bleehhh. And by the time I get home, I want to do nothing. Nothing.
I find that I’m just becoming more and more annoyed about stupid things. Which means, once again, I’m the one that needs the attitude adjustment.
Today, we had a consultant come in who used to work for our company. He was well respected and had been at my company for years, but left last year because of my project. He even said, “No one would listen to me and nothing changed, and after awhile there is no point in talking about it anymore. So I left–and hoped it would get my point across.” Left the clustering fork project. This project that I’m working on has plenty wrong, but I think I’m going about it the wrong way. I really need to focus on the things we did right and try to leverage that–because it’s going to be a long haul, and it’s not just my job to get people coordinated in improving it, it’s also my job to remain positive while dealing with the realities of the thing.
Which means I need to get serious about restoring balance. I have sadly been slacking off on the consistency of my workouts and eating too much crap food, and it is not good for my brain. And I am going to need all of my brain cells for this. And I need to get out and have some low-key fun, this obsessing at home all the time about work is not good for me.
I did get out earlier in the week with a couple of friends. We went out to girlfriend #1’s place and played pool and talked about various things, amongst them dreams. Dreams are funny, it took me a long time to figure out that some people (typically the male kind of people) will immediately think you’re talking about sex if you’re talking about dreams. And yet, there is a distinct lack of naked people in my dreams, so I forget some people might consider it inappropriate to talk about them. I dream about everything. Spaceships and portal wardrobes and zombies and burnt out giant suns and tidal waves. So yeah, there’s people, but usually it’s a lot of landscapes.
While we were playing pool (I am really awful–like really, the worst ever–but I enjoy it) girlfriend #2 mentioned how years ago a coworker had come up to tell her how he had a dream about her–yes, that kind of dream–while, in the dream, another coworker watched impassively. It was a minor comment, but apparently my subconscious listened–that night, I had an erotic dream about a coworker while my boss watched. Gah! And then I woke up. GAH!
But the hilarious thing about the dream is that it was all in the feeling, not in the actual/fictional events. In the movie “When Harry met Sally,” Sally is telling Harry how her erotic dream for years has been that a faceless man rips off all her clothes and then she wakes up. This was one of those dreams. In my dream, I was standing at a large window in a University building, overlooking a sunny courtyard. The person in question came up behind me and put his arms around me and buried his face in the back of my hair. In the dream, it was a moment of wanting, of desire, of consummate satisfaction in that–aha!–he does like me. Spoiled immediately by an authority figure. And it makes me laugh that it is probably very typical of a woman. But yes, I think I need to get out more.