So let’s see. . . looks like I left off in June. Yes, the 7 day Detox–well, let’s say I didn’t do the greatest job with that. But one thing I have been doing for a month now is make myself a green smoothie every morning. If I add blackberries/blueberries, it’s technically purple, but I always add greens. Usually it’s a banana, a few ice cubes, a handful of strawberries, maybe a peach or something, and then 2-3 handfuls of greens. If you ever decide to try it yourself, try it with spinach first. It’s pretty mild, so the finished concoction is still pretty fruity, though not sickly-sweet. With my CSA share last week, I had swiss chard and that was pretty intense. A little goes a long way–but hey, I ate up all of my swiss chard, no mean feat. And I’m back to spinach again this week.
July though has not been the best month. I’ve been really. . . emotional. I’ve been arguing with my husband more–never a good sign. It’s interesting, because in my inward life, I would say one of my greatest flaws is the lack of self discipline. I am always annoyed at myself because I’m still drinking coffee and soda, I still eat chips & candy (I don’t buy it at the grocery story but work has a cheap vending area), I’m still not exercising. But I think Leif might say that I compare myself too much to other people. When he said it, I thought, Sure I compare myself to other people–a little. Doesn’t everybody? And I realized that it’s a really unattractive trait to do that.
The problem is trying to remove that and replace it with something healthier. I have a couple of fitness sites that I peruse where the authors have great bodies–yeah, part of me thinks, Well, maybe this will make me WANT to work out more. I also know people who make more than I do and I think, Maybe this will make me work HARDER so I too can make more. Some days I really just don’t know where I’m going with my life, but I’m not happy in it. We all say, Yeah, I know I’m not perfect, but that’s okay. I’m realizing I say that, but I don’t believe that. I feel like a failure coming home to my messy house and my piles of papers and my laundry unfolded and it’s all just reminders of what I should be doing.
But tonight, we ordered in and watched a little tv. Then Leif worked on some music on his new laptop from Lars and I folded some of the laundry while watching Nova. Then Nova got into the laundry basket and started throwing clothes all over the living room floor, so I helped her. And then I threw them on her and took the white flour sack towels and draped them over her head and she just laughed and laughed. That’s the great thing about a baby’s laugh–it can’t be anything less than real. She hasn’t learned to be inauthentic yet. So I didn’t get the dishes done. But the memory of more laughter–check. (Oh yeah, some of the laundry did manage to get put away, how about that?)