Getting too old to go out?

So last weekend I went to the Fireball Masquerade Ball, mostly because I knew the bellydance troupe that was performing and it sounded pretty cool.  I had tickets in advance and my brother went with me, which was nice.  We got there right at 9:00 pm when the doors were supposedly open, but there were already a bunch of people inside.  All seating was pretty much taken.   I had some drinks and met my friend Christy, which was good too.  And all in all I had a good time, but. . .well, I ended up leaving before it finished because I guess I’m an old fogie now.

The performances were supposed to start at 10:00 pm but they waited for people to keep coming in so it didn’t start until 11:00 pm.  I was close to the stage, but still couldn’t see half of what was going on, as everyone was standing (and I am a tall girl!).  Ashar Dance was great, as I expected, but sadly there was no fire dance, due to insurance reasons.  The bar was completely swamped, so you had better be prepared to tip to get any kind of service.  I did have a good time with Iain and Christy–but I can see why an older crowd starts to prefer things like the Overture.  Reserved seating, performances that start on time and earlier–yes, I’m just not getting to be hip.

It’s funny, because sometimes I miss the days of going out with my old pals Cyndi and Maria at the Inferno, but I forget it was sometimes hit or miss.  I loved the dressing up and putting on makeup, but at the same time, it could feel so empty and fake.  Like the alcohol is there to help you pretend to be someone more attractive and cooler than you really are.   I’m not on the market, so I’m not looking for a date.  And I have to say, I find myself more interested in doing the bellydance events rather than the goth events because I feel more connection there.

But of course, these are the kinds of thoughts one has when you’re just concerned about the kingdom in your skull.  The choice to have a good time or not is always up to me, my interpretation of events, what I bring in.  And it’s strange to think about all the beautiful people there and their stories.  Were other people just into it, no baggage, no feelings of emptiness?  Other moms getting away from their kids, trying to feel beautiful?  Newbies that had never seen burlesque or steampunk?  I guess I wonder if part of me is just always feeling a little awkward, a little like I don’t belong.  I don’t know what that’s all about.

Author: ~R

I write about life, people, and the things that interest in me. Which often includes death, sex, friendship, and the future of humanity. I hope for the best in people and I prepare for the worst. But no matter what happens, change is constant and everything will be ok.

3 thoughts on “Getting too old to go out?”

  1. I could help but read this line you wrote ‘Other moms getting away from their kids, trying to feel beautiful?’ and wonder to myself….if you don’t feel beautiful, is there any hope for me? Granted, I know we haven’t exactly been friends, rather more like acquaintances but I’ve always thought you were beautiful, inside and out. You’re one of the true genuine people I’ve met in my life, and I’m always rather enamored by you, to be honest. So I hope you know that you’re beautiful, because if you aren’t…well, then I’m screwed.

  2. Hi Whitney, thank you for your kind words. I know we live pretty far apart, but I enjoyed seeing you around when we both used to do more with Albion! I think one of things I wrestle with is still trying to feel unique, now that I have kids. My morning routines are often rushed, and I often go to work with my hair in a ponytail and no makeup to speak of. So in my day to day life, I feel like I don’t stand out as much. But as much as I love dressing up, that sometimes doesn’t really make me feel better. It’s that connection I’m trying to find to other people and letting go (for me) ideas on what I have to look or dress like.

  3. I hear you on that one! I don’t have any kids and I still rush out of the house most days without my hair even brushed. I’m sure you know that feeling. I personally think you’ve done a wonderful job, and even in that ponytail and no makeup, I’m sure you’re still beautiful. One time in particular that I remember seeing you still sticks with me to this day….it wasn’t long after you’d had Rowen and you and Leif brought her up to the faire in Beaver Dam. I don’t remember how old I was, but I specifically remember having to tell myself to stop staring at you because even without makeup I found you stunning. From that day on I always wished I was more like you. I think we all forever strive to find who we are, and where we don’t fit in but I can certainly attest that you are nothing like anyone I’ve ever met (I don’t mean that in a bad way). I’ve always found your personality more unique than anyone I’ve ever known. Your intelligent, kind, and not afraid to (at least on your blog) let others know what you struggle with, and those are all things that are hard to find in today’s society. I hope to see you again at some point!

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