This past week was my first week at my job, actually doing my new job and not just training. It went okay. It’s been hard to adjust to the fact that I’m not going to do a great job right out of the gate–training has been going swimmingly, no surprise there. I was always good at school–tests, theory, bring it on! But in life, it’s what you do, not just what you know. I know plenty, but I don’t always apply it, and it’s going to take me a little while to get to where I want to be.
I actually had to take a step back and realize that I signed up for a challenge–it will take some persistence to get it. I was starting to get down on myself, thinking, my god, what did I sign up for? They’ve invested so much time on me and I’m terrible, just terrible. (Patience is not one of my virtues). But I realize, I’m letting fear getting the better of me. I keep visualizing the worst outcomes, and I need to nip that in the bud, because that’s the way to create the future I don’t want. And it’s funny, because in RPGs, I always take the time to level up before going on to the next challenge, and here in my real life, I am trying to rush things. I need to just focus on mastering this stage, and it might take awhile.
I’m feeling better now though. I had a great, friend-connecting weekend. We saw Christy and Kian yesterday afternoon. In the evening, Paul came over and we watched “Let the Right One In,” an understated Swedish vampire film. Very well done. And today, I spent four hours in a car with Stacy.
But the best part is coming home and seeing my girls and husband. Nova is so fun, she just turned 8 months and can stand by pulling herself up. She loves her sister and her father and me. Her smile is ear to ear. She is pretty squirmy–changing her diaper has become a new challenge. When put on her back, she instantly twists around like a cat and grabs the railing of the changing table. In order for her not to get poop everywhere, I clean her off practically upside down. She grabs the railing like a recalcitrant teenager in bed and I desperately try to hold her ankles high in the air with one hand while I clean her backside with the other. Much screaming ensues. But, what are you going to do?
She’s hardly drinking much milk from a bottle–she’d much rather have food. This does not apply to the breast of course, she still loves the boob. But she digs mealtimes when we all eat together and she gets to sit in her high chair. And the bouncing she does when she’s happy-she’s adorable. I can’t believe that in 4 months my baby will be a year old. I’m going to miss this so much, her little baby sweetness.