I have to tell you, I’m feeling pretty grateful these days. I wake up in the morning and go to work and feel happy for no reason. I get home and see my family and feel happy for every reason. Today, Nova got me up at 6:00, but she let me put her on the floor and wriggle around for quite awhile. Enough to let me make a cup of tea and peruse a book catalog.
In a way, having a child is very much an act of selfishness. There are plenty of people in the world, it is true. And much of these earlier years will never be remembered by our children. The other night, we put on Labyrinth and Rowan really enjoyed it–but did not remember ever seeing it before. There was a spate of quite a few months when she was two or so when she wanted to see it over and over again. And now at six, it is all but forgotten. But for Leif and me, we still remember. We remember her soft flyaway hair and her in her toddler shorts, throwing rocks in the stream. We remember singing along to David Bowie and walks in the park.
And I look at Nova and feel so thankful. She will never remember her soft belly with the puckered belly button, or her big pink tongue with the blue vein underneath. I love to kiss her in the crook of her neck, for all those times later when I won’t be able to. I am very aware that this is my last baby. I may get grandkids at some point, but that is not a choice I get to make. So I am enjoying, very much, these last baby days. I am blessed, fortunate, and sometimes I wonder how I can pay it forward, for I feel very rich these days.