It seems odd how my life is going to change so much in 7 weeks. What’s even more odd is that I already have a kid, I’ve done the baby thing and all that, so it’s not like I don’t have any experience. But just as Leif and I couldn’t imagine Rowan until she got here, I can say the same about this little girl. And I’m sure after she’s here, I won’t be able to imagine a world without her.
Rowan has been more clingy lately, I’m sure she feels the pressure of the upcoming birth. She never really became daddy’s little girl, at least not in the sense that she preferred him to me. I still seem to have some mystique to her. Which if funny, because she knows me so well. There have been times when I have been angry or annoyed with Leif and she will deliberately pick a fight with him, as though it is on my behalf. She hates it when I am annoyed or upset with her, and gets very emotional if she feels we aren’t right.
One thing I am proud of is that I try to never lie to her, to always tell her the truth and explain things as best as I can. It’s harder, because I don’t believe in a black and white world and perhaps she is not ready for more complexity. But one person I always admired was my grandmother, and she was always open to me. She talked about all the bad things that had happened in her life, even when I was young. In so many ways, I feel like I knew her far more as a person than my own parents.
Some people believe that as a parent, you can’t be your child’s friend. That’s not your role. Perhaps. I certainly don’t plan on taking the place of her peer group friends, but I want both my girls to know that I will be straight with them. And when they need me, I’ll be there for them. I hope that by being open and trusting with them, they will have the same attitude towards me.