Ambivalence and Finding Enthusiasm

It’s not just the year of change, sometimes I think it’s the year of ambivalence.  It felt good to let go of the fog and be honest with what I really wanted and didn’t want.  But now I am in a holding pattern while I wait for the new baby to arrive.  Though she kicks every day, it still seems a little weird that I’m actually pregnant.

Human being crave certainty, yet there is no true certainty.  I have become very aware of that.  To let go and just be has been a challenge, and yet I feel better and things flow better when I do.  In a way, it seems silly to try for certainty anyway, a small human like myself.  What kind of certainty could I impose on the world?  I don’t have that power.

Rowan sometimes says, “If I had one wish, I would make this a magical world.”  Which is funny, because I have often thought that too.  Why is that a world with dragons, elves, and fairies seem so much better than the world we’ve got?  It is just the simplicity of bad guys versus good guys?  Or is it that a world with dragons, elves, and fairies brings to mind forests and lakes and beauty?  There is so much ugliness in the world.

But there is some pretty cool stuff too. The other day, I was thinking about dreams and the things that excite me.  Modern life can be so mediocre and boring, but we often let go of ideas that excite us because it’s too far off, too crazy.   I love the idea of space travel, alien contact, and time travel.  All of these are things I’ve written off as too crazy to ever contemplate seriously.  However, Sir Richard Branson of Virgin is currently developing a commercial space line.  Although pricey now, rough estimates are that in 10 years, tickets will be at $25,000.  Within my lifetime, that is doable.

Alien contact–well, some people already say they’ve had that.  I don’t know what to make of those stories.  Certainly I don’t give the probe stories much credence.  But even if I did meet aliens, I’m not emotionally at a point where I could handle that now.  I think I might have a heart attack on the spot.

And time travel–well, that is something I would like to look into.  I doubt that it’s possible to do within my lifetime, but we’ve progressed so far in this last century.  It might be possible to make some small contribution to the science that will eventually get us there.

Author: ~R

I write about life, people, and the things that interest in me. Which often includes death, sex, friendship, and the future of humanity. I hope for the best in people and I prepare for the worst. But no matter what happens, change is constant and everything will be ok.

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