So today I went and saw Hellboy II with Iain. I hadn’t even really thought about seeing this movie, but due to MySpace and their incessant trailers I saw clips of Prince Nuada, i.e. Hot Goth Elf. (I got Leif to come along by buying his ticket and telling him there was also a female Hot Goth Elf, Nuala) Plus, Guillermo del Toro directs, and I love his vision.
I really enjoyed it. (I have not seen the first Hellboy, btw). I liked the plot of Nuada fighting to keep his magical world alive and using violence because it was really the only chance he had to save it. I loved the costumes and creatures, the movie made heavy use of puppetry, supplemented by CG to tweak it. And del Toro is such a breath of fresh air in a Hollywood where it seems to all be the same thing–throwing money into special effects and fight scenes that seem all the same. And though Hellboy II is based on a comic, you could really see the del Toro style all over it.
But I enjoyed it so much that I felt sad when it was over. I wish I lived in a magical world. (And some hot elves around wouldn’t hurt either, ;)) But sadly, I can’t say that I believe that either fairies or elves really exist. I’m not an atheist, so I don’t believe that our world is strictly WYSIWYG. There are things out there we definitely don’t understand. But sometimes it seems that our imaginations are so much more brilliant and creative that what is here now.
Of course, you have to take my background into account. I was very unhappy with my life for a long while and I retreated into many a fantasy novel to avoid reality. Some authors are so gifted, they make their vision so real. And then, you have to put the book down and do the dishes. Or the laundry. Or dinner. I love my family, but some days I feel so normal, so mundane, so damn boring. Where’s the enthusiasm? Where’s the joie du vivre? Is this all there is? Yes, I have my outward form, my avatar, this Rebekah, but inside I wish to be so much more than this. Inside, I feel I am so much more this this. But it is drowned by duty, by fear, by confusion. After all, what I do with my time is what most of my peers do too. I work, I come home, spend time with my family (which don’t get me wrong, I totally enjoy that) but where is the real marrow?
Everything ends, and what are you left with? That’s not meant to be a depressing question. It’s just that no matter how much I love Leif, that relationship will eventually end, either by divorce, separation, or death. No matter how much I love Rowan, one of us will die eventually, severing that relationship too. It is the nature of things to begin, grow, and die. And we can’t take our bodies or physical possessions either. So all there is is us. And I just want to get past the illusion before I die.