Today I went up to the Appleton area (again) for a funeral (again). This one was for my friend, Amy, who lost her twin babies, Samuel Adrian and Sophia Maria. They were born too soon. It was a clear and sunny day, if cold. There was a short service inside and then a procession to the gravesite. A small pickup truck stood parked by the grave. It was such a small perfect rectangular hole. I did not realize at first that the truck contained earth and shovels to cover the grave with. There is something so primeval about throwing dirt down a hole, so very final. What undid me was Maddie, Amy’s seven-year-old niece, taking a shovel and throwing the dirt down too. So, needless to say, it was very sad.
We went out to lunch afterwards and had a really good lunch. Even though I had been so sad for Amy, it was so very good to see her again. I miss her, now that she lives so far away. I found my mind wandering to how complex life and love was. I watched Leon playing with Maddie, picking her up, like any normal uncle. It made me happy to see Maddie still be a girl too, I could almost imagine what Rowan will be like at 7. I could see the common genes in Amy’s family, several of them looked alike. All brought together by this common sadness, other complexities forgotten to be a family as one.
It made me think of all the unsurfaced stories that lie beneath people, and of how we can be sad to say goodbye, yet fall into living again despite our best intentions.